Coming Full Circle

My journey to motherhood has been a ride. In the last 2 years and 3 months,(but who’s counting) I’ve felt more loss than I ever thought possible. In the 9 months plus 2 weeks I’ve felt more joy than can even be described.

My journey started in July 2015. My husband and I decided we were ready to start a family. We weren’t trying, just not preventing it. We got our BFP (big fat positive) on August 12th. It was all downhill from there. I started spotting, which turned into full-blown bleeding. I stopped my favorite doctor in the hallway of  hospital I work at, to get his opinion on my situation. (I didn’t have an official OB/GYN) (Don’t be like me) He was so elated I was pregnant, but also concerned with the spotting. I started having labs drawn every other day and even had a prenatal appointment set up for a few weeks out. My labs were good and some women spot their entire pregnancy. Well on August 25th, we discovered I had a ruptured ectopic (a pregnancy in the fallopian tube instead of the uterus that became so large I was bleeding internally) pregnancy. My doctor was out-of-town, but his practice partner was on call and performed the emergency surgery. She did an amazing job, but I lost that baby and my right fallopian tube.

Fast forward to December 2015. We get the OK from my doctor to try again, so we did. In January 2016, I got another BFP.  I’m utterly terrified. I immediately email my doctor and we set up blood draws. This time my labs weren’t good.  I was in a lot of pain and we thought I was miscarrying.  After about a week and what felt like a million lab draws and ultrasounds, I was officially diagnosed with another ectopic, in my remaining tube. To say I was devastated, would not even suffice. I felt betrayed by my body, but my doctor insisted we treat it medically.  He was confident we could take care of it before I would lose my only remaining tube. I was admitted to the hospital and given Methotrexate (a chemotherapy drug that essentially sucks up all the folic acid in your body) to terminate the pregnancy.  It took 8 weeks for it to fully take effect, but it was successful.  I got to keep my remaining tube and my chances of an ectopic in the future (and will always be) were 20%.

We took a lot of time off from trying. I couldn’t handle anymore disappointment and I needed to make peace with my body.  In September of 2016, I had a test to diagnosis the function of my remaining tube.  They basically shoot dye up the tube and it either spills out the top or flows back into the cervix.  My tube passed! We started trying for a family again.

October passed, nothing. November passed, nothing. December, nothing. January, nothing. February, nothing. On March 3, 2017 I got my BFP! This time, it felt different. My husband and I decided to celebrate this pregnancy, no matter how long we got to keep it. I contacted my doctor, had labs drawn and had our first ultrasound at 5 weeks.  At that ultrasound we saw a yolk sac in the uterus!! My entire doctor’s office was elated and celebrated with us.  The very next week we heard the heartbeat for the first time.  We had ultrasounds bi-weekly my entire first trimester and we celebrated every single time we saw that baby.  My doctors were there every step of the way.

Now fast forward to the present. Those same doctors that were with me at my worst, delivered my most precious gift.  I couldn’t think of a better way to come full circle than to have the two doctors who saved my life, twice, bring life into this world. I can’t help but get emotional thinking about it all.  The circle is filled and they are just as happy as we are. The journey was a hard one, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. These two people are my heroes and believed in me, when I didn’t want to believe in myself.