First comes love.
Then comes Marriage.
Then comes…
Baby in a baby carriage.
The first picture was taken in August 2015. The last, in the same location, Thanksgiving 2018. The pictures are only 3 years apart, but it feels as if they’re light years. So much has happened between that first picture and the last. Those events truly made me see the big picture and they continue to remind me to see the big picture. I’m so beyond grateful everyday for my little family.
Xoxo,
Marissa
A few weeks before my little one’s first birthday, I decided to have my favorite photographer Mark from MnM DFW Photo do a photo shoot of his cake smash. I thought this would be more intimate and less overwhelming for O. With the help of my mother in law, we picked the perfect spot at a local park, set the scene and let Mark photograph away.
We were already collecting items for his birthday so we just utilized those items as props. We then styled and staged everything, to perfection. I’m completely biased, but I think we nailed it.
The chalkboard sign is from Sparkle and Glisson, you can check out her Etsy shop here. She designed the sign based on O’s birthday invitations and I had it printed on a board poster at Walgreens. I’m seriously SO in love with it!
My mother in law found the crown here and I added the plaid “1”.
I love how Mark was able to capture all of O’s facial expressions and personality. I will forever cherish these photos.
Seriously a huge thank you to Mark from MnM DFW Photo for the amazing skills behind the camera. Please, if you live in Dallas/Fort Worth go check him out.
Xoxo,
Marissa
Flannel up for some fun our little Lumberjack Oliver is one! My baby turned one this last week. Que all the tears.
Two months ago, I could not for the life of me figure out what “theme” I wanted for his birthday. I really liked, “Donut Grow Up,” but I felt like it was a lot of work for so little reward. I googled pretty much everyday, “1st birthday themes.” Then one day I stumble on a lumberjack birthday. I was hooked. I started pinning, planning, buying and making everything lumberjack. I had a ton of help from my mother in law, who saw my vision and made it even better than I had imagined. Read on for all the details of this Lumberjack Bash.
I started with the invitations that I found here. Full disclosure, I didn’t design this invite, but I do love it. I absolutely love zazzle.com.
Next my mother in law and I started collecting things for the decorations. A lot of the stuff is from Hobby Lobby, but we collected everything piece by piece.
I found a lot of the food inspiration on Pinterest.
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We set up a photo-booth, It wasn’t used as much as I hoped, but I’m still glad it was there.
I wanted a way to display a ton of O’s pictures from the year so I made this adorable wreath. Man, he’s such a character.
It was O’s first birthday, so of naturally, he had to have a smash cake.
Planning and executing this party was such a blast. I can’t believe I have a one year old!
Be on the lookout for the “Lumberjack” Smash-cake Photo-Shoot by the talented Mark of MnM DFW Photography.
Xoxo,
Marissa
To all the women out there who’ve experienced loss.
I know what it’s like to cry out of the blue when something baby related comes on.
I know what it’s like to get overly angry in a store when a parent completely ignores their misbehaving child.
I know what it’s like to feel like your life is over. That everything that was, can never be again.
I know what’s it’s like to not be able to relate to other people. (Even people who may be experiencing the same thing)
I know what it’s like to feel so alone. Like the world is still spinning, but you’re not on it. People’s lives go on all around you. People get married, baby’s are born, birthdays are celebrated. And you’re all alone.
I know what it’s like to feel guilt. To feel guilty that you couldn’t make a proper human. Guilty that you couldn’t give your family a grand child. Guilty that you just weren’t good enough.
I know what it’s like to long for support without actually having to tell people. To just want someone to say it’s going to be ok. Nothing more, nothing less.
I also know what it feels like to share your story. Sharing my story was hard, but it removed heartache. It removed guilt. It made me realize, that I was given a second chance. That my life wasn’t over. That people were all around me, ready to encourage me. That my story could potentially help others in the future.
If you find yourself in a situation like mine, I want to be the first one to say, I will ALWAYS be there for you. I don’t care if we’re complete strangers. I don’t want you to feel all alone. I promise I’ll support you and comfort you. I wish I could read minds so I could reach out to you, because I know it’s hard. I want you to know, I’m here and I’m sorry you’re enduring this. I’m genuinely sorry and I feel for you.
I wrote this in June and just let it sit, (Like the other 85 or so drafts I have half written.) but it deserves to be posted.
Today I had my annual check up at my Ob/Gyn. I brought O with me because I knew all the staff would want to see him. (It was a risky move, I know) In the waiting room O decided he had, had enough and started demanding a bottle. As Murphy’s law would have it, as soon as I was done putting the bottle together and it was in his mouth they called me back. I loaded O into his stroller and back we went. We stopped quickly at the scale, then into an exam room.
The exam room I’ve been in dozens of times. The room where I was told I was having a second ectopic. The room I almost passed out in before I was rushed to the ER. It’s also the very room we celebrated our little yolk sac that is now O. I’ve sat in that room too many times to count, but today it was different.
I was holding my miracle baby in that room. I was no longer in a newborn fog, like the last time. Today, something just clicked. It was like I was looking at my baby for the very first time. It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I don’t know why but he looked so grown up. And I was so blissfully happy. I wish I could have freezed that moment in time. My favorite nurse showed off O to everyone, while I changed into a gown and I could hear all the oohs and awwws coming from the hallway. I was so proud and actually took a moment to reflect. (which I never do anymore.)
I was hit with gratitude. I down play what I’ve been through because I know some women have it worse, but every time I walk into that office I remember. I remember the very first time I walked through those doors. The first, of dozens of lab draws. The anxiety that I had every single time I stepped foot in there, literally until the day before I gave birth. The anxiety never went away, until today. Today, was the first time that this place gave me a breath of fresh air. It felt like after almost 3 long years, I was free.
The Dallas Zoo holds a very special place in my heart. It was basically love at first sight. My very first trip to the Dallas Zoo was 5 1/2 years ago. It was our last day visiting Dallas (I still lived in Utah at the time) and my (now) in-laws took us here. We’ve been at least a dozen times since and every time I get giddy with excitement. The spaciousness of each of the animals homes is spectacular. They have a whole African Savannah section and it looks like you could be in Africa. They have 2 places where you can feed animals. The first is the giant tortoise and the second (and by far my favorite) is the giraffes. If you hang out long enough you are sure to find an animal being fed or a keeper encounter. All the animals always look and act happy. Plus a lot of the proceeds going to conservation, so really it’s a win, win.
I love the zoo and koalas so much, that last Valentine’s Day, Cody even adopted Gummy the Koala for me!
We went there shortly after my first ectopic pregnancy, which helped me get out of my depression.
We went there last year, when I was 22 weeks pregnant. The then pregnant hippo, wouldn’t let me out of her sight and begged for me to stay.
This last weekend we went and it was O’s very first visit!!! My longest time friend and bestie’s family joined us for a day of fun.
Honestly, O was more interested in all the people than animals, but we still had a blast.
Unfortunately there are no more koalas, but now I have an excuse to visit their new (old) home in San Diego, so I guess I’ll get over it…eventually
Basically, I can hardly wait for the day that O enjoys going to the zoo and we can go every weekend!
Xoxo
Marissa
Having a baby for the first time is the most nerve racking thing I’ve ever done. Newborns are scary as f***! They need you 24/7, 365! You are literally in charge of keeping a very vulnerable tiny stranger alive! I knew all of these things, but didn’t realize the magnitude until I was neck deep in the middle of it.
Looking back 9 months, these are a few things I wish I had known before day 1.
Everything your baby is going through is a phase.
Whether it’s crying nonstop, teething, refusing to eat, not sleeping through the night, rolling over, or crawling. It is just a stage and it will pass. Some of these phases will pass like a kidney stone. Others at lightning speed, but I promise they all pass. Hold the baby, embrace the cuddles. You’ll blink and they’ll be crawling and refusing to cuddle.
Babies eat A LOT and at the same time have tiny stomachs.
My son at one point wanted to eat every hour on the hour. Every time I said, “He can’t be hungry still, I just fed him.” He was indeed hungry and scarfed down his entire bottle. Tip: you count time of feedings at when they started eating, not when they finished. So if they take 30 minutes to eat and they eat every 2 hours you only get to sleep/eat/have alone time for an 1 hour and 1/2. May the odds be ever in your favor.
You will never be in control again.
(See above) The sooner you figure this out, the better. Up until now things have probably gone your way or you’ve at least had a good grasp on your life. I hate to break it to you, but kiss that goodbye. Whether it is the unexpected quick delivery or a traumatic birth. Planning on breastfeeding and it not working out or breastfeeding and discovering your baby can’t tolerate anything you eat. Whatever it is, that is the moment you lost control. I thought I had a grasp on this, I did not. That tiny human is in full control, at all times. Embrace it, the sooner the better. Deep breath and repeat after me, “You are no longer in control.”
Sleep deprivation is real.
You will learn to live with it. How, you ask? I have no idea, but you do. I lived with it for 7 1/2 months, you will live. Anyone who is asking you as a new parent if you’re getting any sleep is just being mean. Those people should be cursed with sleep insomnia. Just roll your eyes and walk away.
You’re relationship with your partner will change.
For the first 7 months we lived in pure survival mode. My husband and I had more arguments about parenting style than I can even begin to tell you. It was always little stuff, but when you’re more exhausted than you can ever imagine, the little stuff escalates fast. In those moments, try and remember you’re a team. Forgive always and admit when you’re wrong.
Bonus one
You will never love someone or something as much as your child.
It’s cliche, I know, but it’s true. I find myself just staring at my son all the time. When he’s in the room I have a really hard time concentrating on anything else. He is the most beautiful thing in the world. My greatest accomplishment and he is enough. I want to be a better person for him and because of him. I wouldn’t trade him for anything.
xoxo
Marissa
I’ve seen so many versions of my husband in the past 8 1/2 years, but watching him being a dad is by far my favorite.
He musters patience that sometimes I can’t even find for myself. He’s always right there by my side parenting. He even went part time at work so he could be home with Oliver. He’s passionate, kind, loving, and ever so protective of our sweet baby boy. He is bound and determined to be the absolute best dad and raise a good human being. He wants O to have the dad that he didn’t have, full time, growing up.
Raising a tiny human is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’m so glad I have him by my side. For him to be there with me for all the sleepless nights, the never ending exhausting days, the blowouts, and spit up and everything else crazy that is yet to come. But also all the smiles, babbles, giggles and new experiences.
Mothering came naturally to me, but my husband has slowly blossomed into fatherhood. One day we looked around and realized things had shifted. We couldn’t tell you when, but O no longer cried for hours on end. And my husband openly admitted he now likes and loves O. (Have a colicky baby and you’ll know exactly what he means) The way O looks at Cody is completely different than the way he looks at me. He knows daddy is his playmate and can always make him giggle. He lights up when he sees him and cody is always teaching him new things. I hope they are always as close as they are right now, because I’m in love.
Xoxo,
Marissa
My journey to motherhood has been a ride. In the last 2 years and 3 months,(but who’s counting) I’ve felt more loss than I ever thought possible. In the 9 months plus 2 weeks I’ve felt more joy than can even be described.
My journey started in July 2015. My husband and I decided we were ready to start a family. We weren’t trying, just not preventing it. We got our BFP (big fat positive) on August 12th. It was all downhill from there. I started spotting, which turned into full-blown bleeding. I stopped my favorite doctor in the hallway of hospital I work at, to get his opinion on my situation. (I didn’t have an official OB/GYN) (Don’t be like me) He was so elated I was pregnant, but also concerned with the spotting. I started having labs drawn every other day and even had a prenatal appointment set up for a few weeks out. My labs were good and some women spot their entire pregnancy. Well on August 25th, we discovered I had a ruptured ectopic (a pregnancy in the fallopian tube instead of the uterus that became so large I was bleeding internally) pregnancy. My doctor was out-of-town, but his practice partner was on call and performed the emergency surgery. She did an amazing job, but I lost that baby and my right fallopian tube.
Fast forward to December 2015. We get the OK from my doctor to try again, so we did. In January 2016, I got another BFP. I’m utterly terrified. I immediately email my doctor and we set up blood draws. This time my labs weren’t good. I was in a lot of pain and we thought I was miscarrying. After about a week and what felt like a million lab draws and ultrasounds, I was officially diagnosed with another ectopic, in my remaining tube. To say I was devastated, would not even suffice. I felt betrayed by my body, but my doctor insisted we treat it medically. He was confident we could take care of it before I would lose my only remaining tube. I was admitted to the hospital and given Methotrexate (a chemotherapy drug that essentially sucks up all the folic acid in your body) to terminate the pregnancy. It took 8 weeks for it to fully take effect, but it was successful. I got to keep my remaining tube and my chances of an ectopic in the future (and will always be) were 20%.
We took a lot of time off from trying. I couldn’t handle anymore disappointment and I needed to make peace with my body. In September of 2016, I had a test to diagnosis the function of my remaining tube. They basically shoot dye up the tube and it either spills out the top or flows back into the cervix. My tube passed! We started trying for a family again.
October passed, nothing. November passed, nothing. December, nothing. January, nothing. February, nothing. On March 3, 2017 I got my BFP! This time, it felt different. My husband and I decided to celebrate this pregnancy, no matter how long we got to keep it. I contacted my doctor, had labs drawn and had our first ultrasound at 5 weeks. At that ultrasound we saw a yolk sac in the uterus!! My entire doctor’s office was elated and celebrated with us. The very next week we heard the heartbeat for the first time. We had ultrasounds bi-weekly my entire first trimester and we celebrated every single time we saw that baby. My doctors were there every step of the way.
Now fast forward to the present. Those same doctors that were with me at my worst, delivered my most precious gift. I couldn’t think of a better way to come full circle than to have the two doctors who saved my life, twice, bring life into this world. I can’t help but get emotional thinking about it all. The circle is filled and they are just as happy as we are. The journey was a hard one, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. These two people are my heroes and believed in me, when I didn’t want to believe in myself.
Oliver Bryon Myers was born November 8th at 12:49 pm via C-section. He came in at a whopping 8 lbs 15 oz and 21 inches long. I was a scheduled C-Section. We arrived at the hospital just before 10 am. We were taken to our room around 1015. I changed into a gown and a monitor was placed on my belly. My husband took some pictures of me and the belly. We met the anesthesiologist shortly before noon and my doctor came in around 12:15.
I was taken into the OR where I received a spinal block, was prepped and my doctors were brought in. A curtain was put up, just over my chest and my husband was let into the room. There was 80s music in the background and lots of friendly chatter. My doctor stated at some point there would be pressure and boy was there. I felt some pretty crazy pressure in my shoulders as they tugged to get Oliver out. They tugged and tugged and eventually had to make a bigger incision. The conversation stopped completely, when my doctor exclaimed that the umbilical cord was wrapped around Oliver’s neck, twice. We all braced for the first cry which happened just seconds later. My husband went over to the bassinet to meet our son for the first time. As he was over there they began to stitch me up.
I could feel absolutely nothing and the conversation was light again. Until I started to feel nauseous. I turned my head and gagged a couple of times. After that my husband brought Oliver over to meet me. I was stunned how pink his skin was and how light his hair was. His cheeks were the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. My nurse snapped a couple of pictures of the 3 of us. Then my husband was escorted out with our baby and I was stitched up.
At this point it was explained to me that my uterus was over expanded and they were trying to get the bleeding to stop. My doctor said he placed some pills in there to stop the bleeding. It was explained to me that because of my size vs the size of my baby I was at a higher risk for hemorrhaging, but that just meant they would watch me close in recovery.
Once I was all stitched up, I was cleaned up. Placed back on my hospital bed and returned to my room. There waiting for me was my husband, Oliver and my in-laws. Oliver was immediately placed on my chest and it was the most amazing moment ever.Which lasted exactly 5 minutes.
My nurse came in to check my pads and I had bled through 3 (diaper sized) pads, and two bed pads. She stayed completely calm, but informed me when I asked her, that there was some hemorrhaging. I knew at that moment I had to focus on me. My husband and in-laws had Oliver so I began to make efforts to calm myself. I focused on our amazing moment in the OR and staying awake. My nurse only left my side briefly. I went through 3 bags of Pitocin and was still bleeding through pads. A giant shot was brought and put in my leg. Which was thankfully still fully numb. My nurse was constantly pressing on my uterus and gushes of blood would come out. Another giant shot was placed in my other leg. After what felt like eternity, the last option was brought to the table. A medicine that would surely stop the bleeding, but had insane side effects. My nurse called my doctor and he reassured her to let my body handle it. Not too long after that, the blood clots stopped and I was moved to postpartum after 6 hours in recovery.
During this entire time in recovery, we learned Oliver was tongue-tied and could not latch to my breast. I was devastated, but agreed he was to be given a bottle of formula. He also had low blood sugar and needed to eat asap. I cried, but remembered, fed is best. And looking back, I was in no condition to breastfeed anyways.
In postpartum, I was checked every 15 minutes, and was still not completely out of the woods, but better. Lucky for me we didn’t have very many visitors and I was able to rest. My nurse in post partum was just as amazing as in L&D. Apologizing every time she had to push on my belly. (Because it hurt like no other) We sent Oliver to the nursery that night, because I was utterly exhausted. I got out of bed for the first time at midnight and it was intense. I walked just around my bed and back.
My Cath was removed the next morning and trips to the bathroom were like marathons, but eventually, I was doing it on my own. We continued to work with oliver on his latch, but had no luck. He even had a hard time latching to the bottle. I was pumping to help my milk come in faster. I did skin to skin all the time and finally got to enjoy the bliss of my newborn son. People were in and out throughout the day. My doctor, Oliver’s doctor, nurses, hearing screening people. It was a revolving door. We held off most visitors as I was still recovering from the day before. Mostly my husband and I just hung out with our perfect son.
Day three was a big day for Oliver. He was circumcised and his tongue was clipped. Every time he would come back, he’d complain to my husband about what had just happened. It was the cutest thing!! I worked with him to latch most of the day and he would get it, then get frustrated. So another bottle would be fed. I never fed him the bottle, but continued to pump. He passed all of his test including, blood sugar, jaundice, hearing, congenital heart disease, all of them!!!
We went home Saturday morning.
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